This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
