omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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