Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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