part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
