Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
