Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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