If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was born a porn star she said
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
