ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
