You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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