dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
