So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
