That's when you crack a 10am beer
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
