and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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