I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
