Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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