..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
