you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
