i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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