So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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