so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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