I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
