I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
