We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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