Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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