tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
