So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
