Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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