i just made my gag reflex go away.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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