A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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