he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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