Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
