some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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