I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
