I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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