I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
