I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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