Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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