I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
