My hair reeks of homosexuality.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
