No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
