I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
