as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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