She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
