I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
