I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize