So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want nice things and good sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
