I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
