One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
