I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
