i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
