I think i peed on brittanys purse
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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