I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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