dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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