TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
