Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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