That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
