Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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