She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
