only you would photoshop your dick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
